When other people sing about their babies growing up

The first part of my blog name, gluten free, is my dietary lifestyle. Another HUGE part of my life is the songbird part of my name. :) I started singing at the age of five when my father hoisted me up on a stool and played guitar while I sang God Gives Us Mothers one mother's day in the chapel on the base in Bagotville PQ where we were stationed. Thus began a life-long love of music and singing and something very special which I shared with my father for the rest of his life, but that's another blog post for another time.

By the time I was twelve, I had my first voice teacher and I studied singing privately until I was eighteen. In recent years, I have found a wonderful teacher and rediscovered my old love of singing. At a recent masterclass, one of her other students sang the Abba song; Slipping Through My Fingers. I nearly lost it. In fact, I made it quite clear that I could not be the next in line to sing as I needed a few moments to get myself back together. I have been an Abba fan since high school when my friend discovered her parents' LP and a group of us fell in love with the band as though they were new. I have memories of them being on tv in my childhood, but can't say I was ever a fan before this time. Still, I had not heard this song ever until I heard it in my friend's car while we were driving along a New England highway on the way to meet up with some other friends. It was oh so poignant at that time and even more so with my first born getting set to graduate this June.

Schoolbag in hand, she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile
I watch her go with a surge of that well-known sadness
And I have to sit down for a while
The feeling that I'm losing her forever
And without really entering her world
I'm glad whenever I can share her laughter
That funny little girl

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see whats in her mind
Each time I think Im close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sleep in our eyes, her and me at the breakfast table
Barely awake, I let precious time go by
Then when shes gone there's that odd melancholy feeling
And a sense of guilt I cant deny

What happened to the wonderful adventures
The places I had planned for us to go
(slipping through my fingers all the time)
Well, some of that we did but most we didn't
And why I just don't know

Slipping through my fingers all the time
I try to capture every minute
The feeling in it
Slipping through my fingers all the time
Do I really see whats in her mind
Each time I think I'm close to knowing
She keeps on growing
Slipping through my fingers all the time

Sometimes I wish that I could freeze the picture
And save it from the funny tricks of time
Slipping through my fingers...

Slipping through my fingers all the time

Schoolbag in hand she leaves home in the early morning
Waving goodbye with an absent-minded smile...

The first line about her going off to school with bag in hand reminded me of a sleepy eyed Melissa who had taken to sneaking in to sleep at the foot of our bed and her comments to me when I was concerned about her getting on a bus to go to the private school where we were sending her for Kindergarten. This bleary eyed little girl told me not to worry. A few days later, she got on that bus and never looked back. Of course, there were the times she fell asleep on the way home from a full day of school and had to be awakened by the bus driver. I look at the photos we have of our girls and I look at them now and it seems like another lifetime. I remember them, but it somehow doesn't seem real. Before long, this sweet girl who is growing to be more her own person every day will leave us. I've always believed that my job is to raise my girls to be independent, but when I think about it just like the song says, I have to sit down for a while.

I've been awfully quiet, I know

Been kind of sick and miserable. Nothing too serious; just a sore gland on the right side of my neck and feeling kind of wrung out. This is when I realize I should save a bunch of back up posts on days when I feel like writing a lot. Maybe I will start doing that! :) Will try to write something today...

Time for the Winky Linky Follow again, courtesy of Mommy Who Loves Giveaways!

I'm new to these hops, but already have begun to get some new followers. They are also a really great way to find other blogs out there which you might not find otherwise!

Here are the guidelines;

This hop is designed to introduce bloggers to the new Linky Followers widget, which can replace GFC and has lots of bonus features too! Not only does Linky Followers keep track of all of the blogs you are following, but it also allows you to organize blogs into categories!!
If you don’t have a Linky Followers account (it’s free), please head over to the web site and sign up! Once your widget is on your blog, please link up here so that others can follow you!

If you aren't clicking the Superlucky Button, why not?

There is no easier way to get points that can be converted to gift cards and Paypal cash. Once again, I think there would more opportunities for my American friends than there are for me up here in the Frozen North (actually the wet north - thinkhttp://www.blogger.com/img/blank.gif Seattle weather) Anyway, if you are even thinking of signing up, here's the link. Happy clicking! ;)

When your babies grow up

I was just reading a mommy blog where a woman said she grew up with her firstborn. In many ways, I feel like that with mine. I was twenty-one when I got pregnant with Melissa. The situation was not a good one; I was rebelling against my strict upbringing and a heart wrenching break-up from the second person I thought I loved and would marry. (Oh, youth) I was living with Melissa's father; but I didn't love him, I was only fond of him. I had even reached the point of being ready to break up with him when we found out for sure I was expecting. I'd had several negative tests, including ones in the doctor's office, but I had a nagging ache and no period. Sure enough, a blood test confirmed that I was pregnant and when an ultrasound did not show the little munchkin's presence, I was sent for an emergency laparoscopy. I had to sign a paper saying that, if the little one had settled in my tubes, they would terminate the pregnancy. Toughest thing I ever signed in my whole life. When I emerged from surgery, the anesthesiologist gently told me that I was still pregnant and that everything looked fine. So here we were; not in love and pregnant! Oy!

My parents came to see me in the hospital; anesthetic makes me very ill and I was kept overnight because of the profuse vomiting. When the older gentleman in the next bed fell (and I think, coded!) when they were helping him to the bathroom, I was very quickly moved to another room for the night. There I spent a lot of time alone with my thoughts and sore from the surgery. At least I wasn't throwing up anymore, though!

Much of my pregnancy is a blur. My mother encouraged me to consider adoption. My father was as gentle and kind and loving as always. My half-sister, whom I really hardly know, communicated through our mother that she was disappointed because I would probably never finish college now. I broke up with Missa's father. My mother was diagnosed with breast cancer. It was a hellish year for my parents, really. Mom moved me back home, but we fought a lot and were both so stressed that it was not good for either one of us and she finally told me I had to leave again. My poor father was often stuck between us - a position he was likely used to since my relationship with my mother had always been fiery. Man, I loved my father! Eventually, I went to the local crisis pregnancy centre and was placed in a "shepherding home" for as long as I needed it. I lived with an amazing and kind lady whom I still see around town from time to time. I am very thankful that God provided that home at a time when I needed to be very selfish and learn to care for myself. Gail never said, as my mother had, that I was NOT the first woman to ever be pregnant. Honestly, the first time, you really feel like you are!

Finally, Melissa Catherine Filgate was born. I gave her my maiden name because I knew I would raise her mostly alone and, except for steady child support and visits from her father while she was younger, I pretty much have. She was a challenging baby; did not sleep well, had so much energy and did everything early. I remember reading that babies sleep a LOT. Well, this kid hadn't read any of the books and she did things her way! We had a rough go, Miss and I, but eventually we found hubby and he has been her daddy since she was two and a half. She really thinks of him as Dad because he has been the one who raised her, supported there, cleaned up when she was sick, cuddled her when she was frightened and just been a real dad.

Now that girl is getting ready to graduate and I'm not even 40. Where did the time go? I miss cuddling that wee girl on my lap, but I sure love the amazing young adult she has grown into. We laugh and talk and she is my best friend. I never dreamed that it could be like that after the tumultuous relationship I had with my own mother. I can't imagine life without her and have always told her that, even though she was unplanned, she was NOT an accident. God knew what I needed, even if that something (or someone) was a squirmy, active little girl who never knew how to stop. I'm so glad He let me have her for just a little while.

Couponing - it's a full time job!

I don't think I ever realized how much time and effort goes into couponing - at least in the beginning. After several weeks of reading couponing blogs, scanning sites for new printable coupons and getting a ridiculous number of e-mails before determining which ones are really worth my while, I have reached a point where I may actually have too many coupons - at least of a certain type. Between coupon searching and surveys, I'm on my laptop a lot. However, we actually looked at the flyers last week and realized that we didn't actually NEED anything except fresh veggies and fruit for the week. That's a small victory, because the less time we spend in the store without planning, the fewer impulse buys we are making. That's good news.

Now surveys are a whole different animal. I'm a member of several sites and I actually ended up dropping a couple because I was constantly being weeded out early in the process and never getting anything that actually paid. Now I have reached the point where I get a few good ones a day and, while I won't send my teenaged daughters to college on the income, I very quickly earned a couple of Amazon gift cards for doing things I already do anyway. Win/win if you ask me. It's certainly not a get rich scheme by any stretch, but being rewarding for goofing off on the laptop or getting to tell my bank what I REALLY think about them is all good for this girl. :)

This really cracked me up when I saw it on Facebook this morning. Hopefully, it will give some other coupon addicts a smile. Have a great day!

Alexa Blog Drop Hop

Found this on The Mommy Who Loves Giveaways who, by the way, always has fabulous giveaways on her blog. Check her out here! Here’s how it works:

1. In order to participate, you MUST have the Alexa Toolbar (having one also greatly helps lower your score.) You can download it in just seconds HERE. (It is a small, non intrusive toolbar)

2. Visit as many of the blogs on the linky as you can.

3. When you visit a blog, you MUST allow the page to fully load then click a second page.

4. Leave a comment so your visit will be reciprocated!

5. Feel free to tweet or share this however you’d like. The more people that know about the hop means more potential to lower your Alexa Rating. Happy Hopping!