I told someone yesterday the the new theme of my life seems to be "surrender". It's not something I do with ease. I often wonder why The Creator made me such a stubborn and self-sufficient person when He knew it would be so much easier for me if I let go of my stuff. Literally and emotionally.
Yesterday was a prime example of what can happen when I let it be. (Shout out to Paul McCartney!) I have been battling some low level inflammation in my vocal cords. Saturday, I tried desperately to rest; kept my speaking to a minimum, spoke softly when I did speak... Yesterday I was still sore. In the morning, I went to my new job, where I am basically on probation while we figure out if we are a good fit for each other. Understandably, I was a little tense in the morning, but I jumped in with both feet and I think it went fairly well.
At noon, I left to pick up my daughter and head up to Campbell River for the big concert. When I got there, I told my teacher that I was sore and would love a good warm up. She ran the three of us through some gentle warm ups and I felt considerably better, just still sore when I spoke. Well, the concert was nothing short of ethereal. Of course, everything did not go perfectly. I don't think it ever does. Of course, there were places where I knew I could have supported that note better, or planned my breathing better. What did happen, however, was that I let it go. I knew that at least one person in the audience was praying, my beautiful pastor's wife. Just seeing her lovely face out there reminded me to let.go. And I did. Never, in all my life (and I have been singing in public since I was five!) have I felt so at ease performing. I did not shake. I did not find myself breathless. I just let it go knowing that if something went wrong, the world would not end and people would realize that I had a sore throat. The miracle is that not one thing went drastically wrong. Better still, I hit the high b and high b flat I needed to with ease.
The great thing is that this concert was such a metaphor for everything that is going on in my life at this time. In learning to let go, I was able to accept that I did not get my old job back this summer and even to realize that I would rather be somewhere else this year. In learning to let go, I was able to communicate effectively with my husband last week over something that was really tearing me up. And the best part of all is that, in this process, God has brought me to me a whole new church family after a long spiritual drought in my life. A family that fits me to a t. Life is wonderful and I am grateful.
Does that mean I have learned how to let go? Probably not entirely. I am still me and, in the words of Popeye; "I am what I am" Still, I know that when I DO choose to let go, wonderful things will follow.